Protector, an app that lets you book armed goons the same way you’d call for an Uber, is having a viral moment. The app started doing the rounds on social media after consultant Nikita Bier posted about it on X.
Here’s a peek of how it works pic.twitter.com/OWG8HFGYYD
— Nikita Bier (@nikitabier) February 18, 2025
Protector lets the user book armed guards on demand. Right now it’s only available in NYC and LA. According to its marketing, every guard is either “active duty or retired law enforcement and military.” Every booking comes with a motorcade and users get to select the number of Escalades that’ll be joining them as well as the uniforms their hired goons will wear.
Protector is currently “#7 in Travel” on Apple’s App Store. It’s not available for people who use Android devices. Sorry Google phone fans, if you want your own armed goons you’ll have to resort to more traditional methods of goon employment.
The marketing for Protector, which lives on its X account, is surreal. A series of robust and barrel-chested men in ill-fitting black suits deliver their credentials to the camera while sitting in front of a black background. They’re all operators. They describe careers in SWAT teams and being deployed to war zones. They show vanity shots of themselves kitted out in operator gear. All of them have a red lapel pin bearing the symbol of Protector.
Andy is a Protector pic.twitter.com/dT262M6qrh
— Protector (@bookprotectors) February 18, 2025
Who is this for, you might ask? A video posted on January 6, 2025, that runs just over two minutes gives the game away. It opens with a photo of assassinated UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. “We’re going to run through a scenario to demonstrate, where if a Protector had been present, crisis could have been averted,” the Protector says in the video. He then runs through several fantasy versions of the assassination where a Protector is on hand to prevent the assassin from killing the CEO.
What if tragedy didn’t have to strike? We revisit the murder of UnitedHealthcare’s CEO and examine how a Protector may have changed the outcome. pic.twitter.com/XA2PLNadiS
— Protector (@bookprotectors) January 6, 2025
In the first scenario, the self-described “operator” stops the would-be assassin from getting close enough to do any damage. He turns the shooter away and nothing happens. In the second scenario, the Protector shoots the assassin in the stomach as he draws his weapon. In the third, the assassin gets a shot off but the Protector is able to shoot the assassin in the chest. Then he rolls him over on the wound and ties his hand behind his back.
Protector is something of a pivot for its parent company Protector Security Solutions. The whole thing is the brainchild of founder Nick Sarath, who worked as a product designer at Meta for a year before founding his own company in 2020. That was Poparazzi, an Instagram competitor that burned bright and then died.
He founded Protector Security Solutions in October 2024 and started putting together two apps: Protector and Patrol. Patrol is marketed in the same way and with the same people. Scared suburban neighbors pool their resources to hire private security for their neighborhood. Add more money to unlock more tiers, more cars, more drones, and more guards.
Patrol App
Crowdfunded security in your neighborhood pic.twitter.com/LhPio7sg5S— dsoc_actual (@DSOC_actual) January 24, 2025
Two days after Thompson was gunned down on the streets of Manhattan, Sarath put out a press release that promised to rush Protector to market. “My deepest condolences are with the family and friends of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson,” Sarath said in the release. “We rely on law enforcement to keep us safe, but they cannot be everywhere at once. Protector is designed to support the goals of law enforcement and will provide an accessible way for people to protect themselves and their loved ones.”
“Our trained and highly experienced team is ready to help provide enhanced security to all citizens as soon as we launch,” he continued. “We are here to help law enforcement and ultimately we are here to help you.”
